Does Kids Life Coaching work with a strong willed child?
I remember the day he walked into my Kids Life Studio®. He was angry. A very determined look on his face. His first words to me: "I don't have to do this stupid coaching thing."
My heart skipped a beat and then I leaned into his fear. All bad behaviour in a child is an unmet need and this child was feeling scared. He wasn't sure of what to expect. He had every right to feel the way he did.
Strong willed children are awesome candidates for kids life coaching! We love supporting them because they are not only full of fun and enthusiasm to work with, but they show natural leadership. We support them to channel their energy into willpower to succeed with a toolbox of skills that makes a parents life easier! Who wouldn't love doing that!
Yet, this child seemed extra resistant and wasn't budging! No amount of encouragement from his parents was getting him to budge.
So what did I say and do to shift his attitude and get his buy in? Well these 3 things shifted the needle for this strong willed child:
1. I agreed with him! I told him he was absolutely right. He didn't have to attend the stupid coaching thing. I used his words and reflected them back to him. Instantly building rapport. He became curious and this opened the doorway for opening a dialogue.
2. Once he was curious, I told him he was there anyway, so did he fancy playing a game? He told me the game would be stupid and he wasn't interested...sooooo....I hauled out my magic ball and got playing. He loved it. He was still surly...asking question and pretending to not enjoy the game but he mellowed.
3. This was what sealed the deal. I told him that although his parents had brought him for coaching because they thought he needed to learn some strategies for getting on better with people, I felt he was doing just fine with me. I ring fenced my positive praise by explaining what he could expect in his next coaching sessions that would benefit HIM and not his parents agenda. Again...a glimmer in his eye! I told him he didn't have to make the decision there and then! He could go home and think about it and decide if he wanted in. He did!
So how did I break the outer shell of this strong willed child. I simply engaged at his level. Acknowledging his feelings and all the time giving him free choice. He felt in control and that helped him to feel safe.
Consequently, he did come back and we had very successful coaching sessions and he really leaned into the experience when he wasn't feeling vulnerable.
All children are different but most strong-willed children engage in this way because they are curious little leaders. When they are not listened to, ignored or not acknowledged, they can flip their lid to get their own way. Masterfully navigating this isn't about compliance, but about building mutual respect and understanding what they child is saying through their behaviour not just their words.
As a kids life coach, you can get the most awesome results with a strong willed child is you gently help them navigate making good choices by actually giving them the opportunity to make good choices. This starts with setting the tone in your kids life coaching space from the outset. You may be the adult but you are forming a mutual alliance with the child that can only be done with respect and unconditional positive regard.
Wishing you all the best as you navigate the strong-willed leaders out there!
With love and zeal,
Zelna
Kids Life Studio® Founder
