How to talk about grief as a Kids Life Coach
I once had one of my certified kids life coaches ask a question about a mother she was dealing with.
Her client’s husband had died years prior and she had never found the right time to tell her child who had been a toddler at the time. Her child just came to believe that daddy was away for work.
This is obviously an extreme example, but hiding the truth from children can often do more damage than the initial hurt. Sadness is a human emotion and although this mom was well intentioned because she thought she was protecting her child from the grief of their dads death, can you imagine what will happen when the truth eventually emerges.
Not only is this mother suppressing her own right to grieve the death of her husband, but she is wearing a mask that will forever separate her child from her in later years. That kind of act although coming from a place of preservation will do unspeakable harm to the underlying trust that should always be the basis of every parent child relationship.
As a Kids Life Coach, this is a tricky situation to be in. Knowing potentially damaging information. Usually I wouldn't recommend getting involved in any 'deceit' or supporting any 'lies' that a parent is playing out. Your role as a coach is to act as a guide and mentor to the child first and foremost.
So in the case of this coach with this problem, I gave the advice that she shouldn't get involved with the mom but stay in her lane with the child. It was not in her remit to tell the child about their deceased dad, nor to act as a buffer for the mom. That will require therapeutic intervention and probably the support of an experienced trauma counsellor.
The process of grief holds many layers of emotions for the people left behind. They often have to deal with intense sadness under an overwhelming layer of shock and disbelief. Grief can often result in repressing emotions as well as experiencing feelings of guilt over thing left unsaid.
Talking about grief to the children you coach doesn't need to be serious...
Why can’t they draw, splash, paint, climb, build and have fun during the grieving process. Art therapy can help children to unlock repressed emotions as well as provide a healthy outlet for expressing their inner turmoil.
Wearing black to a funeral is a sign of respect but how lovely would it be if we nurtured a “rainbow wardrobe” kind of thinking where children saw death as a celebration of sorts. With the funeral being a party for the person they love in their send off to heaven. Imagine the departed loved one smiling down from heaven then!
We need to coach children to be mindful of their time on earth and help them to make small incremental choices that relate to appreciation and gratitude for where they find themselves. The good and the bad, the happy and the sad all grouped together are the best teachers in life by far.
With so much loss happening during Covid, grief may be something that you face as a coach. My wish for you is that you are able to navigate this with the poise and respect it deserves. Don't be afraid...sometimes children just need the truth...coupled with unconditional, unconventional, upbeat, upliftment. You can be the shining light in their dark hour....so keep on shining!
Sending much love and zeal your way,
Zelna
Kids Life Studio® & Kids Life Coach Academy Founder
