The 3 differences between parent coaching and kids life coaching

Every week, our global network of world-class Kids Life Coaches are provided with bi-weekly group mentorship sessions. We get together on our Teaching Tuesdays and Thinking Thursdays to discuss case studies, come up with new coaching ideas, strategise on how to get the word out  but most of all to ask great questions about how to better serve our clients. 

One of the questions we have been tackling recently is the difference between parent coaching and kids life coaching. So let me get one thing clear. I am not a parent - this was not through choice. So I am not a 'parenting expert' by any stretch of the imagination.  However, as the founder of The Kids Life Studio® and Kids Life Coach Academy School, my background started as an early career teacher, then a school counsellor, and then a university lecturer in Behavioural studies. I also have a Masters degree in clinical child psychology yet I still call myself a Kids Life coach. 

Why?

Well, because my Play Based Coaching® model I created in 2003, is based on mobilising and supporting toddlers to teens to become the leaders of their own lives. Our tagline at The Kids Life Studio® is 'where choices are made easy". So my job as a Kids Life Coach is to make parenting easier. Using a whole family approach, when I coach, I focus on the child with the aim being to educate, motivate and inspire the parent to engage productively and supportively.

So let's circle back to our recent discussion in our Thinking Thursday professional supervision session. We were discussing a case study of a child faced with neglect. Our global network of current students and certified Kids Life Studio® membership coaches were sharing their experiences of working with or coaching children where parental influence is lacking. In these children, the common thread we see is low self esteem in the children and we work on being an additional layer of support that boosts confidence in the absence of a parent who may be unavailable to do so. 

Now traditionally, if a parent is lacking in parenting skills and experiencing problems/challenges with their child, they may opt to consult with a parent coach. The core role of a parent coach (if they are a good one!) is to identify the strengths in the family. They help the parent develop a plan to address any challenges they may be facing with their child and supports them in implementing this. 

Now here comes the problem...

In my mind....since I am not a biological parent, I question how you can place sole responsibility on the parent for leveraging family strengths. (Check out my book 'The Secret Parent' that shares my journey of being childless not by choice and how working with other peoples children inspired me.) I have the enormous gift of objectivity when it comes to parenting. Since I haven't experienced what it is like to nag, argue, negotiate and discipline, my mind sees only solutions. So in my mind, surely it makes perfect sense that the child needs to be included in these sessions? 

Okay so a quick bit of context. Stick with me here. In 2001, when doing my Honours Degree in Psychology of Education, I was asked to research parenting programmes. One of my assignments was to design a parenting programme. I realised way back then, that there were glaringly obvious holes in the traditional parent programmes I was investigating. Whilst they offered ample support and coaching to the parent, the children were uninvolved and the parents were solely responsible for rollout of rules etc.. So I designed a family resilience building programme (this is part of our Level 3 Advanced Coach Training) that focuses on strengths building in the entire family. However the core focus is on equipping the child to make the parents life easier. When I piloted this programme, the results were so awesome that the rest is history and two decades later this family resilience building approach is being used in over 40 countries currently!

So how is our kids life coaching programme different to traditional parent coaching. These are the 3 fundamental differences:

1. Parent coaching focuses on the parent and the emphasis is on setting boundaries, sticking to boundaries and disciplining when boundaries are overstepped. Kids Life Coaching focuses on including the whole family and the child is encouraged to make better choices that leads to better interactions with their parent.  There is an emphasis on making good choices based on an internal value system.

2. All bad behaviour in a child is a sign of an unmet need. Very often, parent coaching is one sided and only the parents needs are met. With kids life coaching, the child learns their role in the family and they organically coach their parent to get their needs met. They do this by using the easy communication techniques learnt in their coaching sessions. This leads to more peace in the home because when a child is equipped to communicate their needs, their needs are more easily met. 

3. Parent coaching is sometimes pretty messy. There are so many theories and 'experts' all giving their own opinions. This often leads to shaming parents and guilting them into doing better. With Kids Life Coaching, we don't judge or label parents as good or bad. We simply work with what we have got and design a plan of action to support the child's challenges. We assess the child comprehensively and with or without the parent fully onboard, we are able to tailor make goals unique to each child.  The programme works non invasively and is fun and enjoyable and the outcome is a happier family. Think of it this way, a happy child = a happy parent and vice versa. Such a simple equation!

There are many more benefits to kids life coaching than parent coaching, and we are covering these in our group mentorship sessions with our students and certified coaches. I just wanted to share these 3 fundamentals with you so that you can understand a little bit more about how we work.

So do we do we believe a parent needs coaching? For sure! Any parent who asks for support is a brave and courageous parent in my opinion. However, I believe that the child needs to be part of this coaching journey hence our whole family approach.

Want to learn how this all works? Why not setup a time for a strategy call with a certifications consultant. Fill in the statement of interest telling us a bit about yourself and we look forward to answering your questions when we meet.

Take good care of yourself! 

Regards with zeal

Zelna 

Kids Life Studio® & Kids Life Coach Academy Founder