Building rapport with a child as a kids life coach

Building Rapport with Any Child: Lessons from Early in My Career

Early on in my career as a Kids Life Coach, I vividly remember a moment that tested me. I was working with a tween who clearly wasn’t interested in what I had to say. The eye roll. The smirk. The unmistakable “I’m not listening” vibe.

I had to stop myself from showing frustration. Inside, I felt judged and anxious. I desperately wanted to connect, to break through...but there was one thing holding me back: I didn’t yet understand the underlying reason why some children don’t respond well to coaching.

At that stage, I hadn’t yet learned the subtle strategies that allow a coach to build instant rapport, no matter the child’s mood, background, or temperament. Even with all my years as a teacher in some very difficult classrooms, I didn’t understand the science behind the resistance. I now now it is rarely about disrespect but it’s usually about unmet needs, fear, uncertainty, or simply not feeling understood.

At the time, I paused, took a breath, and reminded myself of a key principle I was slowly learning: children engage when they feel safe, seen, and respected. Everything else flows from there. Was I tempted to roll my eyes back and smirk...oh yes but I intuitively knew better than stepping into my own inner child mode.

Practical Strategies for Building Rapport

Over the years, I developed a set of practical strategies that work consistently, even with the most resistant child:

1. Observe and Listen First

   • Before trying to guide or teach, watch the child’s body language, tone, and behavior.

   • Listening actively shows respect and demonstrates that their feelings and perspective matter.

2. Meet Them Where They Are

   • Accept their emotions without judgment. If a child is annoyed, anxious, or disengaged, acknowledge it rather than trying to push them into compliance.

   • Example: “I can see this feels frustrating right now — let’s figure out a way together.”

3. Use Play as a Bridge

   • Play Based Coaching activities are powerful because they naturally lower defences and invite engagement.

   • Even simple games, creative exercises, or role-play can help children open up and connect with you. 

4. Empower Choice and Agency

   • Give children options whenever possible. When they feel in control, resistance decreases and collaboration increases.

   • Example: Let them choose the first activity or pick between two ways to approach a task.

5. Create a Safe, Non-Judgmental Space

   • Make it clear that curiosity, questions, and mistakes are welcome.

   • A safe environment fosters trust and encourages children to explore new behaviors and strategies.

6. Model Emotional Awareness

   • Share your own calm responses, patience, and reflection. Children mirror adult behavior, and seeing you manage emotions effectively teaches them to do the same.

7. Celebrate Small Wins

   • Recognise even minor successes. This builds confidence and reinforces positive engagement.

A Real Breakthrough

Applying these strategies transformed my coaching practice. The tween who had once smirked and rolled her eyes eventually leaned in, participated, and shared her thoughts openly. The breakthrough didn’t happen because I demanded it. It happened because I focused on connection first, guidance and mentorship second and then the coaching came.

This experience taught me that building rapport isn’t about tricks or manipulation. It’s about understanding the child, meeting unmet needs, and creating an environment where they feel empowered to engage.

For coaches at any stage, mastering rapport is essential. With the right approach, even the most resistant child can become open, engaged, and motivated. Our Play Based Coaching System® provides the tools to do this effectively. Our global network of certified Kids Life Studio® coaches, understand the FUNdamentals of how to support  children to express themselves, regulate emotions, build resilience, and enjoy the learning process through play.

✨ Want to learn more practical strategies to build rapport with any child? Click here to dive deeper and elevate your coaching practice with our ongoing mentorship and professional supervision.