How to reframe your mindset as a Kids Life Coach so that you get results even with "Bad Children"
Permission to rant!
One of my biggest pet peeves after working with children in various capacities for over two decades is this: when a teacher, parent, psychologist, or sports coach judges a child by their behavior and calls them a “bad kid.”
Even worse? When they declare:
“There is no hope.”
“They’ll end up in prison or dead.”
What the actual heck %$#*?? (Apologies for the sweary symbols...but this is how strongly I feel!)
Here’s the truth: bad behaviour does not equal a bad child. I have taught, counselled and coached tens of thousands of children over the past 25 years and not once have I met a "bad child"!
Children act out for reasons many adults often overlook out of ignorance. These reasons are all valid and rooted in neuroscience, emotional development, and unmet needs. When a child misbehaves, it’s rarely about defiance for its own sake. Often, it’s about communication, coping, or trying to meet a need they cannot articulate.
At Kids Life Studio®, you will hear our trained Play Based Coaches saying "All bad behaviour is a sign of an unmet need." This is because I have drilled it into them in their training. Some of them enrolled as students not knowing the neuroscience behind behaviour but once you know you know!
Take a child who disrupts a classroom repeatedly. They might be struggling with anxiety, sensory overload, or a lack of understanding of social rules. Or perhaps they’ve experienced inconsistent guidance at home. Labeling them “bad” ignores the very real reasons behind their actions and denies the opportunity for growth. This is why my Play Based Coaching System® is so powerful. It gives a child the opportunity to reframe their experiences and create new beliefs about themselves despite what adults may be telling them. When their behaviour changes, the adults who judge them meet them there. It should be the other way around, but this isn't always possible when the adult is lacking in the essential knowledge and skills to mentor a child. Which is why our FUNdamentals course is such a powerful short training - it taps into the neuroscience of behaviour in easy to understand bit sized chunks!
Seeing Potential Where Others Don’t
Understanding the neuroscience behind behaviour allows us to see hope where others might not. The brain is highly adaptable, and children have incredible capacity for change when guided and coached with patience, structure, and mentorship.
For example:
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Reframing misbehaviour: Instead of “bad kid,” think “child who needs support to regulate their emotions.”
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Focusing on learning opportunities: Each act of defiance can reveal skills that need developing like impulse control, emotional awareness, or social problem-solving.
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Providing consistent guidance: Children thrive when adults respond predictably and with empathy, not judgment.
This approach isn’t just theoretical but it really works in practice. Over the years, I’ve supported children who were once labelled “impossible” to transform their behaviour through consistent, playful, and compassionate coaching. The key is to focus on what they can become, not how they are showing up are right now.
Your Role as a Changemaker
This blog is for the people who already see potential in children — parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors who refuse to give up hope. You understand that every child has the capacity to grow, thrive, and contribute positively to their community.
Next time someone labels a child as “bad” or a “lost cause,” remember these strategies:
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Pause before judging: Their behaviour is not their identity.
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Ask “what does this child need?” instead of “what’s wrong with them?”
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Model patience and consistency: Your response shows them how to regulate their emotions.
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Focus on small wins: Celebrate progress, not perfection.
When we shift our mindset from labelling to supporting, we open doors for children to learn, flourish, and thrive even in the face of challenging behaviours.
Join the Conversation
On Thursday, 30 October at 9 am GMT, membership coaches and Premium students are invited to a live coaching skills development session: “Dealing with the Difficult Child.” We’ll explore practical strategies for reframing behavior and getting results that transform children’s lives.
Children are not bad! They are learning, growing, and waiting for adults to see their potential. When we reframe our mindset to choose hope over judgment, transformation becomes possible and we get the results!
